


Better Wake Those Demons (Just Look Them in the Eye)

by 8ucky8arnes



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death Threats, Emotional Manipulation, Evil Caleb Covington, F/M, Not Sure How Else to Tag That Other Than Caleb Convington is a Pyshopath, Panic Attacks, Possession, mentions of suicide/self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8ucky8arnes/pseuds/8ucky8arnes
Summary: Willie grabbed his arm. “Luke-”“Dude, what are you doing? Julie’s…”Willie hadn’t taken his eyes off the girl, “That’s not Julie.”In which, instead of Caleb possessing Nick, he decides to possess Julie.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 219





	1. No Need to Fear it (You're Not Alone)

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the unintentional weeks-long hiatus but I'm back and this one is a gut-wrencher. This idea came to me way back during Whumptober and it didn't let me go (as it is currently 8k and counting...). This is definitely one of my angstier fics for this fandom so far but I hope you guys all enjoy it and let me know what you think.
> 
> There are trigger warnings in effect for mentions of vomit, blood, and death, but the big one that I really want to emphasize is that, while possessing Julie, Caleb makes multiple allusions to the boys about killing her while still in her body in a way that to any outsider would appear suicidal hence the **Mentions of Suicide/Self Harm** tag. If you would like to avoid reading that part of the story, stop reading when it says _“Now as I was saying, Luke..."_ and start again with it says _"Stop it!"_.

Julie should’ve seen this coming. She should’ve known that saving her boys would make her a target to Caleb. That it would only be a matter of time until he made the next move...she just hadn’t thought he’d show up at her house.

“You must be Julie.”

She stiffened at the cool, unfamiliar drawl, spinning around.

The man, dressed entirely in black and wearing a top hat of all things, lounged on her bed with a Cheshire grin and crystal blue eyes that burned with something...inhuman. Something evil and Julie saw that he held the picture of her and Mom. A part of her wanted nothing more than to run downstairs, but she met that stare full-on, and spoke with a venom she hadn’t thought herself capable of, “Go to hell, Caleb”

He threw his head back and laughed, “Did your mother not teach you manners?”

Her heart gave a painful twinge and Julie knew exactly what he’d hoped to gain with his words and she actually smiled back, “You didn’t know my mother at all, Caleb. She’d tell you exactly the same thing.”

_Probably with some colorful Spanish thrown in._

“I suppose not.” Caleb’s expression didn’t change, sliding off the bed and setting the picture back on the bedside table, taking one step toward her, then another, eyeing her like some jungle cat stalking its prey, “I guess it doesn’t really matter now, though, what you want.”

“I’m not a ghost.” she narrowed her eyes, “You can’t make me do anything.”

He chuckled, a cold, bone-chilling sound, “But I can.”

Then he lunged.

And Julie saw nothing but black.

…

Luke poofed into the studio, confused when Julie was nowhere to be seen, “Julie?”

He looked around, seeing no sign that she’d even been in the studio: the lights were turned off, her backpack wasn’t by the couch, the lid to the piano was still shut... He tried to remember if there’d been some school thing or family emergency, but he knew she would’ve told him if anything of the sort was going on.

He moved into the house, finding nothing in the kitchen, and hurriedly phased through the wall when he heard the T.V. in the living room along with Reggie and Carlos’s voices. While he normally wouldn’t intrude on the bassist’s bonding time, the worry gnawing at his stomach took immediate precedence. “Reggie?”

“Luke!” His exuberant smile faltered, “What’s wrong?”

“Have you seen Julie?”

“She’s not in the studio?”

Luke shook his head.

“But I thought you guys had a songwriting session today?”

He ran a hand down his face, “She hasn’t been to the studio at all. Has Carlos…?”

Reggie frowned, “No. If something was going on then I’m sure he’d notice...”

Both boys looked up when the front door opened, Ray carrying groceries while talking in rapid Spanish to a person on the other end (probably Victoria), but Luke saw nothing in the man’s face that spoke of concern for his family.

“Do you know what he’s saying?”

Luke shot a look at Reggie, “What makes you think I speak Spanish?”

“You took it in high school, didn’t you?”

He let out a long breath, “You are aware I barely passed it, right?”

Reggie’s mouth snapped shut as Ray ended the call.

“Was that Tia?”

“Yeah,” he set the bags on the counter, “She’ll be here for dinner.”

“Cool.”

“Have you seen your sister, today?”

“She’s in her room.” Carlos pointed upstairs, not seeming nearly as worried as Luke felt, “Said she had a headache and wanted to be left alone. I offered to help, but she sounded so tired, so I just let her sleep.”

Luke and Reggie shared a look before popping into her room.

Her bedroom, like the studio, was dark and empty, her window wide open. The bedsheets were rumpled and her bag had been dropped on the floor by her desk, her jacket draped over the top of it, and Luke crouched down to open it.

“Julie wouldn’t want us to-”

“I don’t think she’ll mind this once.” He sifted through the contents: textbooks, notebooks, folders full of homework assignments, pencils, pens…and her phone? He pulled out the device, the screen immediately lighting up to reveal a slew of missed calls and texts from Flynn, only to drop it seconds later when it began to buzz in his hand.

He stared at it, then at Reggie, “I don’t-”

Reggie picked up the phone without hesitation and pressed the green circle and another button in quick succession, holding it up in his palm with a pleased smile, Flynn’s voice coming through loud and panicked.

“Julie? Julie, are you there?”

Reggie frowned down at the phone.

Luke groaned, “Seriously, you didn’t think about how we’re supposed to talk to her?”

“Julie!”

“I just thought-”

“Give it to me!” he held out a hand, “Now!”

Reggie handed it over.

“Julie, seriously, now is not the time-”

Luke withdrew his guitar pick from his pocket and tapped it on the bottom of the phone, relieved when Flynn stop yelling. He glanced up at Reggie, tapping out another series of beats, hoping the girl would figure it out.

“Luke?”

“Yes! Uh…” He tapped once.

“Is that a…one for yes, two for no?”

_Tap._

“Is Julie there with you?”

_Tap. Tap._

“She never leaves her phone. Okay, uh…” There was a muffled rustling on the other end, then a curse as she dropped her phone, “I’m on my way over right now. Can you and the boys meet me in the studio?”

_Tap._

“Okay. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

_Call ended._

He slipped the phone into his pocket, him and Reggie poofing back into the studio to find Alex and Willie waiting for them. Luke wasn’t sure what expression he and Reggie wore, but it clearly confirmed something to Willie and Alex because the drummer pulled away from them and began to pace.

Luke walked over to Willie, keeping one eye on Alex, “What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t seen Caleb for days.”

“Is that normal?”

Willie shook his head, “The man never misses a performance.”

A picture was beginning to form in Luke’s mind and he wasn’t liking it one bit. The thought of Caleb getting anywhere near Julie had his hands itching to hit something, “Has Caleb said anything about...trying to get us back or something? Or get back at Julie?”

“No, he...” Willie frowned, looking like he wanted nothing more than to take Alex into his arms and just hold him, hands curling and uncurling at his sides, “He doesn’t share his plans with me much anymore considering...”

“Could he hurt her?”

“Julie? Normally, I wouldn’t be sure, but now...” Willie sighed, weighing his words carefully as Reggie tried (and failed) to calm Alex, speaking low, “...possibly. You’re the first ghosts he’s ever lost and to a lifer no less? As powerful as Julie and you three are together, she’s still just a girl...and Caleb isn’t exactly known for considering age-”

Flynn came through the door.

Alex stopped his pacing, fingers still tapping nervously on his thighs.

She shut the door behind them, “Is everyone here?”

All four boys looked at each other before Luke popped up to the loft and searched for his notebook and pen while Reggie knocked on the top of the piano. Finding them, he came back down, setting his things on the bench, and only felt a little bad when she jumped.

_We’re all here._

“Where all her?” She squinted at the words, brow furrowed, “That doesn’t...oh! We’re all here.” Flynn smiled for the barest of moments, “Wow, Luke, Julie was not kidding. Your handwriting _sucks_.”

Luke glared at Reggie as he snickered, handing the pencil to Alex without a word.

_Did something happen at school?_

She read the words, “No, everything was fine. Carrie was even... _tolerable_.”

Alex looked to the others, “Now what?”

“Have you guys seen her since she came home?”

“We didn’t see her but...” Reggie perked up, “Carlos said he went to check on her and she told him she had a headache and not to bother her. That would’ve been right when he got off the bus, which would’ve been three o’clock...maybe three-thirty?” He spun to face Luke, “Hey, what time does Julie get out of school?”

He stared at Reggie, “Uh...1:45, I think?”

“Which means she was alone for what...maybe an hour?”

Alex scribbled out something while they talked, Flynn mouthing the words silently as they were written. She pursed her lips, glancing back at the house. “But I'm guessing since you answered her phone, that she wasn’t still in her room?”

Luke shook his head, “Her window was open.”

Alex relayed the comment.

Flynn stared at the notebook, suddenly looking lost. “I need to tell Ray.”

The boys all exchanged a worried look, Alex writing out a quick _we’ll start looking_.

Flynn nodded before leaving the studio.

Alex was (unsurprisingly) the first to speak, “Where do we even start?”

Alex and Reggie and Willie’s voices faded into the background as Luke pulled out Julie’s phone, a sharp pain not unlike Caleb’s jolts hitting him where his heart would be when he saw the picture of Julie and Flynn with their arms wrapped around each other and their heads were thrown back in laughter. _Double Trouble_. That’s what Flynn had called them. They reminded Luke so much of Sunset Curve. Of Julie and the Phantoms. Parts of a whole. Incomplete without the other. Take one of them away and…

The screen darkened, revealing swollen, bloodshot eyes.

“Luke?”

He set the phone face-down on the coffee table and wiped at his face, “Yeah, sorry.”

Reggie came and sat next to him on the couch, squeezing his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

Alex joined him on his other side, Willie leaning against the armrest. “Yeah, seriously. It’s-”

Luke shoved himself off the couch, “No, it’s not! I shouldn’t…” his throat tightened, Luke tearing at his hair as he began to pace back and forth across the length of the studio, “Julie’s all alone right now, alone and scared and hell, she could already be-”

“No!” Alex jumped in front of Luke, stopping him short, “She’s not!”

“You think Caleb is going to show her mercy?!” He was dimly aware of his voice rising and part of him noted Reggie’s barely concealed flinch at the volume as well as the words and hated himself when he kept going. It was like that night all over again, him and Mom screaming at each other but never really listening... “He’d sooner get rid of her then-”

“Guys?”

_Julie?_

Everyone turned slowly to find said girl standing in the doorway.

Julie’s eyes were wide, her face streaked with tears

Luke moved forward, “Jules, you’re okay-”

Willie grabbed his arm. “Luke-”

“Dude, what are you doing? Julie’s…”

Willie hadn’t taken his eyes off the girl, “That’s not Julie.”

“What do you mean it’s not her? She’s right there…”

Julie sighed, drying her eyes, “Why do you always have the spoil my fun, William?”

Luke stumbled back at the iciness to Julie’s voice, her beautiful brown eyes were now flat and dark and void of any fondness or warmth. There was nothing of the girl he loved in that face and that smile, the one that never failed to knock the breath out of him, was replaced with something _other_ …a twisted replica. A broken reflection. “No…”

She laughed, a cold, cruel sound, “Oh, Luke…”

“No…” his voice cracked, static filling his head and a high-pitched whine began in his ears, like the feedback that always occurred during sound checks, except there was no switch to flip or cord to unplug to make the damn noise _stop_. It just kept getting louder and louder and _louder_ and God, he just wanted to _scream_ , “ _No_ …”

“You _loved_ her, didn’t you?”

“Shut up!”

“She loves you too, you know.” Caleb examined a curl between Julie’s fingers, her lips pulling downward into a scowl, “It’s exhausting, really. All the longing and the pining and the _he’s dead_ and _I’m alive_ and _it can never happen_ and blah, blah, blah…”

“What do you want, Caleb?”

Alex’s voice was colder than Luke had ever heard it, but Caleb ignored him and the others, focused entirely on Luke with that wolfish smile as he strode forward and Luke hated how he nearly took a step back. He’d never been afraid of Julie…

But this wasn’t Julie…not really.

“I could fix that, you know. I could give you what you want.”

Reggie finally spoke, him and Alex flanking Luke, his tone shaking, not with fear, but repressed rage. “We’ve already told you before, Caleb, we don’t want what you’re offering! We never have and we never will.”

“Oh, Reggie...” Caleb shook her head, “I never said the offer was for all of you.”

Luke went to pull away when Caleb reached out her hands, as though to cup his face in a cruel echo of that night at the Orpheum, but her fingers dug into his jaw and his cheeks. He pried her hands away from his face, fingers curled around her wrists, “Don’t touch me!”

Caleb laughed, amused by his angry outburst, staring at the glow over his skin with a joyful fascination that looked so _wrong_ on her face, twisting her wrists in his hold, “Be careful there, Luke. Wouldn't want to leave any bruises, now would we?”

He ripped himself away, stumbling back in horror, “Oh. God…”

“Quite fascinating,” Caleb rubbed her wrists and smiled, uncaring of Luke’s emotional upheaval as he absently examined the multitude of bracelets on her wrists. “I’ve never known of a lifer being able to interact with the dead before...”

Luke was on the verge of spiraling completely, his hands trembling and his breath shortening as he stared at the monster wearing Julie’s face, speaking in Julie’s voice...and it was only the grounding touch of Alex and Reggie, their voices murmuring in his ear that kept him from going off the rails.

“Get to the point.”

Caleb smiled at Willie, “I’m impressed, William, finally showing some backbone.”

Willie’s jaw clenched, “You want something, you _always_ want something.”

Caleb cocked her head to the side, looking at Luke, “Or someone.”

Reggie and Alex squeezed his shoulders

“Now as I was saying, Luke, before you so rudely interrupted, is that I could fix this little...” he waved between the two of them with a flourish and a smile, “ _compatibility_ issue you and Julie have. Now, bringing someone back from the dead after twenty-five years is a little beyond me but I’m sure I could arrange something for Julie easily enough. It wouldn’t be too hard, really. There are so many _options_...”

Luke lunged, Reggie and Alex barely holding him back as he screamed, “Don’t touch her!”

“Oh, but I can. You see,” Caleb laughed, slowly spinning around, “I _am_ her.”

Luke strained against his bandmates.

“What do you think, boys? Something quick and painless...” He walked just out of arm’s reach, head tilted back thoughtfully around the studio, “Fall from the loft, you think? Or maybe something a little more personal...” Caleb trailed off before snapping her fingers and turning to Willie, “A stroll across Sunset Boulevard, perhaps? What’s the speed limit there, William? Thirty-five, right?”

The skater went pale.

“Or maybe she'll follow in your footsteps...become another _Hollywood Tragedy_?” Caleb turned that too wide smile back on them, eyes glittering with malice, “I’ve heard food poisoning is an _extremely_ painful way to die.”

Reggie shrunk back and Alex sucked in a sharp breath and Luke was positive he wasn’t the only one reliving flashes of the night they’d died: the indescribable agony that had torn through their stomachs, how it felt as though they were on fire, the bile that had burned their throats, how bright the blood had looked against their pale, sweat-slicked skin...

“Stop it!”

The boys snapped to attention as Julie fell to her knees, clutching her head and those two words were too raw, too full of pain, to be anything but genuine and she bowed forward, whimpering something too low for anyone to hear. But before any of them could make a move to help her, she went silent and still before _growling_.

“You little _brat_ -”

Willie let out a surprised laugh, “She’s resisting him.”

Luke spun to face him, “What?”

“When he possesses a lifer, they sort of…take a back seat in their own body.”

Alex looked sick, “So, she knows what’s going on?”

“Yeah, all of it.” Willie frowned thoughtfully, “But she’s actually fighting back.”

Reggie perked up, “We need to help her then!”

“You…can’t…help…her.”

Luke didn’t flinch when Caleb twisted Julie’s features into an ugly scowl and glared at him. Now that he knew she was in there, that she could see and hear everything that was going on around her, he wasn’t going to react in the way Caleb wanted him to so he smiled. He smiled at Julie just like he always did, “We can. And we will.”

Caleb lurched forward as if to hit him, and Luke stepped back.

It hurt to watch her fall onto her hands and knees, but he knew it would hurt her more if Caleb used her body to harm him or Alex or Reggie. That is what he kept telling himself over and over, fighting the urge to take her hand, to help her back onto her feet…

Luke worried his lip, “Willie can you keep an eye on...Caleb?”

Willie frowned, but nodded, “Yeah, sure.”

Luke returned to Alex and Reggie, “You guys okay?”

Reggie couldn’t look over at Julie’s crumpled form, blue-green eyes haunted as he picked at the sleeves of his flannel, tears clinging to his lashes. He let out a shaky breath, though, and forced a smile that reminded Luke of every night he’d crashed in the studio to get away from his parent’s screaming. “Yeah...I’ll be fine.”

Alex wrung his hands, eyes darting back and forth from Willie to Julie to Reggie to Luke, mere moments from a panic attack. “How are we supposed to help her, Luke? How are we supposed to fight against Caleb when it nearly erased us before?”

“How did we break his hold over us?”

“Julie started singing, but...” realization dawned on Alex’s face, “Oh!”

“Oh?” Reggie repeated, “What oh?”

“Do you think that will actually work?”

Luke ran his right hand through his hair, rings snagging in the strands as he did so, fighting to keep his voice from rising in agitation. “I don’t know, man, but do you have any other brilliant ideas? Because I can’t think of anything else that could possibly work…”

Alex glanced at their instruments, “What song were you thinking of?”

“I was thinking...”

“Luke?”

Julie’s hoarse whisper had him spinning around and he hated how he stopped himself from getting too close, crouching down just out of arm’s reach. That same jolt-like pain hit him in the chest when she lifted her eyes to his, the brown depths hazy with pain and shining with tears, but he managed to keep his own eyes clear, “Jules?”

“I can’t...” she groaned, clutching at her stomach. “I’m trying to...”

“I know.” he managed a small smile, even as the sight of her curled into a tight ball of agony one that was all too reminiscent of the ambulance...“We’re gonna help you out, okay? You just gotta hang on a little bit longer.”

Julie nodded before crying out.

He made a move to reach out, forgetting why he was keeping his distance for a split second, but that moment was all it took for Caleb to regain control and grab his wrist. Luke clenched his jaw as nails dug into his skin and he absently wondered if ghosts could still bleed...

Caleb chuckled, “The clock is ticking, Luke.”

“Let go of me.” He spat, pulling at Caleb’s grip.

“She’s so weak...” He cocked her head to the side, “It’s only a matter of time before...”

Luke used his other hand, uncurling her fingers as carefully as he could, biting back the instinctual urge to scream at the man. Caleb would enjoy the outburst and Julie would be upset because he was upset and he didn’t want her to feel any worse than she already did. “You’re wrong, Caleb. She’s stronger than you think and we’re gonna prove it.”

Julie coughed, red flecks clinging to her lips.

Luke’s hands shook at the sight, his jaw clenched tightly.

_“They’ve stopped breathing!”_

_“Begin compressions!”_

He turned away, hands flexing at his sides.

Alex’s hand grabbed his bicep, stopping him in his tracks, “Luke, are you okay?”

He yanked his arm free, “We’re playing Bright.”

“Luke-”

“It doesn’t matter!” He snapped, once again seeing his bandmates flinch at his tone but not caring as much as he usually would’ve. His emotions were all over the place, swinging from grief to fear to anger to helplessness and back to anger. _Always_ back to anger. “My feelings about this whole thing don’t matter, okay? Only _she_ does. So, we’re doing Bright.”

Alex and Reggie shared a look, the former nodding. “Okay.”

Reggie hesitated at the keyboard; eyes sad as he placed his fingers on the keys.

Alex poofed behind his drums while Luke picked up his guitar.

“It won’t...work!” Caleb growled out, “You’re...nothing without her!”

Luke turned away from Caleb, motioning to Reggie to begin playing, not acknowledging the missed notes at the beginning as the coughing worsened, sounding much too close to retching for their liking. He shot his friend an encouraging smile.

Reggie returned the smile hesitantly, growing more confident as he began to sing, expression lightening “ _Sometimes I think I’m falling down. I wanna cry, I'm calling out. For one more try to feel alive._ ”

Luke joined, grinning at Caleb as he saw a flicker of something move behind those eyes, something fond and warm and so much like Julie. “ _And when I feel lost and alone, I know that I can make it home. Fight through the dark and find the spark..._ ”

Reggie left the keyboard and picked up his bass, his voice blending with Luke’s as he joined him at the mic and shot a wink at Julie, smiling wide, “ _Life is a risk, but I will take it, close my eyes and jump..._ ”

Alex’s voice came in last, “ _Together I think that we can make it. C’mon, let’s run..._ ”

Luke could feel the energy pouring out of them as they hit the chorus and hoped that wherever Julie was trapped in her own head, that she was soaking the music in like she always did. That she would become so bright, it would burn Caleb away.

Caleb glared at him, lips pulled back from Julie’s teeth in a snarl of pain.

Luke didn’t want to acknowledge the changes he saw as the song began to wind down. But all he could see was the blood smeared across her mouth as the coughing got worse, the bruise-like shadows under her eyes, how her warm brown skin seemed to grow paler with every chord he struck, how she almost looked like she was dea…no.

_No_ , he refused to associate that word with her.

She was a star. _His_ star. Bright and beautiful and burning with a light that could put the sun and moon and all the constellations to shame, her smile and her laugh were the things all the great love songs and ballads were written about. She was so exuberant and bubbly and alive. So fucking _alive_.

Just the thought of her in that ambulance: skin cold, eyes empty, heartbeat silent…

He looked back at Alex and Reggie, once more struck with the memory of that night all over again. He’d been the last to go. He’d seen Reggie’s sparkling blue-green eyes go dim. He’d seen Alex’s body finally still…had felt their hands go slack in his and he couldn’t do that again.

He _refused_ to do that again.

“Julie!”

Luke spun around at the _fear_ in Reggie’s voice, to find Julie’s body shaking, an odd purple glow over her skin and he ran over without thinking. But Willie stopped him and it was only the fact that the skater was Alex’s boyfriend that he didn’t immediately shove him off, “Let me go!”

“You can’t touch her!”

Luke glared; jaw clenched tightly.

“That glow you see around her?” his grip didn’t relent, fingers digging into Luke’s arms, his normally smiling face stony and serious, “ _That_ is Caleb’s last stand. He is losing this battle against Julie but if you touch her, he will take your energy and use it against her.” Those dark eyes were heavy… _haunted_ , “I’ve seen it. He’ll lash out and kill her. I don’t want to watch Julie die and I know you don’t either.”

“Then what the _hell_ am I supposed to do?”

“Talk to her. Sing to her. Play for her. _Anything_.” Willie offered a small smile to Luke, then glanced over his shoulder at Alex and Reggie, dropping his hands from Luke’s arms, “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you had the right idea before. She heard you all and she’s fighting back so…just keep doing what you were doing.”

Luke took a deep breath, the habit no longer necessary but impossible to shake, a smile on his face when he turned back to Alex and Reggie, both of them clearly concerned at the sudden change in him, which was understandable, considering the emotional whiplash he was currently putting them through. “You boys ready for an encore?”

Alex opened his mouth, then closed it, Reggie’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Caleb is losing, but Julie still needs our help.” He bounced on the balls of his feet, itching to start playing again. “Willie said that she’s getting strength from us, from our performing. She’s pushing Caleb out.”

Alex still looked worried, “She doesn’t look good, man.”

Julie coughed and three of them winced.

“I know.” Luke’s voice cracked and he looked down when Reggie intertwined his fingers with his and squeezed, feeling the faint tremor the bassist was trying to hide. He swallowed thickly, tightening his grip in silent thanks, “But we gotta keep going. Like she did for us.”

Alex ran a hand through his hair, “Okay.”

Luke looked at Reggie. “You good?”

“M’fine.” Reggie forced a too-bright smile, “Really.”

They all stiffened when Caleb began to laugh, the sound having taken on an odd echoing quality, like more than one voice was coming from her mouth and Luke could’ve sworn his long-dead heart lurched at the sight of those beautiful brown eyes now glowing an eerie, unearthly violet, Caleb twisting Julie’s features into something condescending and cruel and _knowing_ …

Luke turned away, tugging on Reggie’s hand. “C’mon boys.”

The beginning chords of _Stand Tall_ hit Caleb hard, the recognition of the song that had pulled them from the Hollywood Ghost Club the first time enraging him, but any move he made to lunge forward at any of the boys seemed to literally hit a wall, body, and limbs straining against an invisible force.

Luke could see Julie’s fire blazing brighter with every line he belted out, with every beat of Alex’s drums, every strum of Reggie’s bass…the golden glow not unlike their own whenever she touched them spreading over her warm brown skin and with a final choked scream, a purplish-black smoke spilled from Julie’s mouth, consolidating into the form of a hunched over Caleb Covington.

The usually impeccably-dressed showman now appeared haggard; his suit rumpled, his slicked-back hair hanging limply in his face. He appeared drained of all color, pale and transparent, like what everyone usually thought of when they heard the word ghost. His eyes were the only thing that remained vibrant, a cold crystalline blue that burned with such _rage_ before he flickered and disappeared.

Alex looked to Willie, “Did he just…?”

Willie shook his head, “No, but it’ll be a while before he’s strong enough to try anything.”

“Julie!” Luke ran over to the girl crumpled on the ground, gathering her body into his lap and cupped her jaw, trying to get her to just _look at him_ but her head only flopped limply back and forth in response no matter how frantically he pleaded with her to say something, to open her eyes-

The doors of the studio burst open an indescribable amount of time later and Luke was dimly aware of Flynn screaming for Ray and Ray’s voice cracking as he called 911, and it took the combined strength of Alex, Reggie, and Willie to hold him back when the paramedics finally came in and lifted her body onto a bright orange backboard. His mind kept jumping back and forth in time, the red and blue flashing lights of the ambulance and the fire-trucks and police cars identical to one that had come to them in that alley…

Flynn lingered in the doorway before she grabbed Luke’s notebook and ripped out a page, scribbling something down before running out of the studio. She said something to the boys but Luke couldn’t hear anything but the sirens and screeching tires, a heart monitor’s rapid beeping going faster and faster ( _toofasttoofasttoofast…_ )

Luke sagged in their hold, sinking to his knees, and he was dimly aware of the others trying to talk to him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the smears of red off the floor. His throat tightened and even though he knew it was no longer necessary, he needed to breathe. Why couldn’t he fucking _breathe_?

“Luke…”

That high-pitched whine was back, the sound too much like a heart monitor flatlining-

_Hands pushing down on his chest…_

_“Come on, kid. Stay with me…”_

“Luke?”

A crash sounded behind him as he choked out a sob, the band around his chest tightening further and further, the maelstrom of emotions lashing out at his surroundings in a way they’d never done before. He dug his fingers deep into his thighs and bowed forward, trying to keep himself from spinning apart.

_“Luke!”_

His eyes snapped up to find Alex looking back at him.

“You need to calm down before you destroy the studio.” The drummer’s voice was warm and familiar, hands cupping his face gently and resting his forehead against Luke’s, “I know you don’t want to do that, okay? You need to get a handle on this because it’s going to help Julie. She needs all of us right now.” He spoke calmly, blue eyes remaining on hazel as chaos erupted around them. “She needs _you_.”

“I _can’t-_ ”

“Do you love her?”

This was Reggie, his blue-green eyes bright with tears and his tone as serious as Luke had ever heard it and a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth when Luke just blinked at him, the question bringing all the noise in his head (and thus the studio) to a sudden stand-still with a clear, resounding _yes_.

With every fiber of his being; every chord, every note, every lyric that poured out of him…he loved her. More than being able to play again. More than being able to connect with people again, to be heard again, to be _seen_ again...All of that would mean nothing if she wasn’t at his side, smiling and laughing and breathing…

All he could choke out was, “ _Yes_.”

“Okay.” Alex said, “Then just take a breath.”

Luke nodded, doing just that once, twice, three times…

He wasn’t sure how long it took for him to pull himself back from the edge, leaning back on his hands and staring up at the chairs that still hung from the ceiling. Luke swallowed before rolling up to his feet, finding the three other boys bent over the slip of paper that Flynn had left. “What’s that?”

Alex set the paper back on top of the piano. “The hospital where they took Julie.”

Luke stared at the note. “Do you know where it is?”

Silence came with the question.

He looked up, “What?”

“It’s the same hospital they brought us to when we…”

Luke let out a harsh laugh, “Of course, it is.”

Willie reached out to squeeze Alex’s shoulder, glancing at both Reggie and Luke with a forlorn expression. He seemed to weigh his words carefully, sensing the cracking ice the three boys were standing on and not wanting to break it, his voice soft and hesitant, “I, uh…I know where it is. I can take you all there if you want.”

“Yes.” Alex spoke, holding out a hand to Luke, “C’mon.”

Luke stared at the outstretched fingers then at Alex and Reggie, both watching him with those steadfast gazes that told him they weren’t going to do anything without him. That they knew exactly what was running through his head…and they did. They always did. They always had since the day they’d started making music together.

They hadn’t left him before and they wouldn’t leave him now.

Luke took Alex’s hand.


	2. Wake Up, Wake Up (If It's All You Do)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this part took so long! The last couple of weeks before winter break in Kindergarten can get a little crazy and as you can see by the change in chapter numbers, I am still writing this. I thought I knew when I was ending it but clearly, I don't so I am working on the third (and hopefully) final part of this whumpfest. 
> 
> So here you go and I hope you all enjoy! Let me know what you all think!

The sensation of moving from one place to the next in the blink of the eye never failed to amaze Luke, but the moment they landed in the waiting room. The moment he took in the fluorescent lighting and white walls and the sight of a pacing Victoria and stoic Ray Molina with a crying Carlos curled up on his lap and a trembling Flynn rubbing circles on the boy’s back, he immediately quelled the urge to _run._

As if he could read his mind, Alex held tighter. “Luke…”

“I can’t…” his voice cracked, “I don’t know what to do.”

Alex’s smile was sad, “Just stay,”

“ _Stay?_ ” The tears were back in earnest now, “And do what, Alex? Hold their hands? Tell them that everything is going to be okay?” Luke knew he was yelling but he was far from caring at that moment. It’s not like anyone else could hear him... “In case you didn’t know, Alex, I’ve already tried comforting a grieving parent, and all it did make me feel worse.”

“Luke…”

He ripped his arm free, “No, I’m _not_ doing this again.”

Reggie reached out a hand, “Luke-”

“Mr. Molina?”

Luke, Alex, and Reggie froze when Carrie Wilson hesitantly approached the family.

The girl carried none of her usual confidence (or bitchiness as Flynn would put it), and she looked both nervous and guilt-ridden. Her shoulders were tense, her eyes void of their usual sharpness as they stared down at the floor then back at the man, and she sucked in a sharp breath when Ray lifted watery blue eyes to hers.

Carrie choked out a sob, covering her mouth with a shaking hand as the tears spilled over.

Flynn, surprising Luke and everyone else, pulled the other girl into a hug and rocked her as she cried into her chest. Flynn murmured something into Carrie’s neck, but it was too muffled for anyone to hear, her own shoulders racked with similar sobs, and Luke almost wanted to look away from them, the sight too raw and painful to face right now.

And then Bobby came in.

The sight of their old bandmate would never stop feeling strange; yet another reminder of their deaths and just how much time had truly passed as well as the betrayal that had occurred within those twenty-five years, but Luke couldn’t find it in himself to be angry then. Not when he looked so scared for Julie.

And he _was_ scared, even if he tried to hide his emotions for his daughter’s sake because Luke had known him for years before he’d died and Bobby hadn’t really changed. All he had to do was look into his eyes to know what he was feeling because those dark brown depths had always reflected everything outwards so clearly to those who knew how to read them…

Ray seemed surprised, “What…?”

The man shifted his weight, “How is she?”

“She was just taken into surgery so they haven’t told us anything yet, but…I recognized the look on the surgeon’s face. It was the same one the other doctor had when he came to tell Rose and I that the chemo had stopped working and…” Ray ran a shaky hand down his face and took a deep breath, tilting his head up to blink back the tears, “Whatever happened to her, I’m just afraid that…”

That jolt-like pain struck Luke in the chest again at the realization that Ray had only lost his wife a little more than a year ago to something as slow and agonizing as cancer. It’d only been a year and now he stood to lose yet another person he loved. To lose his child. His daughter…

The image of his own parents still making a chocolate cake twenty-five years later for him on his birthday and blowing out the candle was like a gut punch because it was all easy to superimpose the man over the memory. After all, Ray, like Emily and Mitch, would never forget those he’d lost. He would never forget his wife or his daughter…

“Rose would kick your ass for even _thinking_ that.”

Ray let out a surprised laugh. “She would.”

Bobby sat on Ray’s other side and put a hand on his shoulder. “So don’t.”

Luke watched the familial interaction between the two men, vaguely remembering when Julie had mentioned her and Carrie being friends back before her mom died. It would only make sense that the parents had, at one point, been just as close as their children and God, the thought of Bobby losing _another_ person…

He poofed out into the parking lot and took a long, shaky breath, Luke sinking to his knees on the sidewalk and squeezing his eyes shut as that same high-pitched whine filled his ears. The memories of the night they’d died began to overlap with the sight of Julie laying limp on the ground, the studio doors bathed in the red and blue of the ambulance, his parents (Ray) blowing out a candle for a birthday their child would never see, Julie’s pale and lifeless body under the harsh fluorescent light of the operating room…

Tears poured freely down his cheeks as he choked out a sob.

Too much.

This was all just _too fucking much_ …

A shadow passed over him and then Reggie was sitting next to him, looking at him with sad eyes as he wrapped an arm around him and pressed his forehead against Luke’s shoulder. No words were said and when Reggie took his hand and squeezed, Luke held onto it like it was the only thing keeping him tethered.

And then he began to cry.

Reggie began humming, a soothing melody that reminded Luke of when he was little and he had a nightmare. Mom wouldn’t hesitate to climb into his bed and gather his gangly seven-year-old limbs into her lap, running her fingers through his hair and rocking with him as she began to sing. He would burrow his face into her chest, her voice and her heartbeat in his ears the first song that had ever moved him…

_“Do you ever get scared, Mommy?”_

_She smiled, brushing fingers through his hair, “Yes.”_

_“But you’re a grown-up.”_

_She laughed, “Even grown-ups get sc_ _ared sometimes.”_

_“Oh.”_ _Luke laid his head on her shoulder, playing with the stone pendant that she always wore around her neck, running his fingers over the smooth surface and the silver chain, watching as they caught the light. “Hey, Mommy?”_

_“Yeah, sweetheart?”_

_“What scares you?”_

_Her arm tightened around him, “Nothing you need to worry_ _about, honey. Nothing at all.”_

“She’s out of surgery.”

Luke blinked at the sound of Alex’s voice, the pendant falling back onto his chest, and looked up, surprised to find that the sky had gone from a clear blue to pale sunset pink. He wiped at his eyes, shooting a thankful smile as Reggie helped him to stand. “How is she?”

Alex looked back at the hospital then back at them, “She made it through, but Luke-”

“Well, that’s good, right?”

“Luke…”

“That mean’s she’s gonna be okay-”

“She’s in a coma.”

He stumbled back, “What?”

“The surgeon said…” Alex swallowed and began to fidget, wringing his hands, “He said that there were complications during the surgery, something about how there was a lot of bleeding.” Alex’s breathing began to quicken, eyes glistening with tears, “The blood loss, it...it caused her heart to stop. She stopped breathing. She...she _died_.”

Luke felt like he was going to be sick, “But you said she made it through-”

“She did, but the surgeon said that he was worried that it took too long to bring her back.” Alex rubbed at his chest and Luke found himself and Reggie doing the same; all three distantly remembering the electricity of the defibrillator paddles shocking them again and again and _again_... “That her brain didn’t get enough oxygen before her heart started beating again and that-”

“What are you saying?” Luke snapped.

Alex went still, “They don’t know if she’s going to wake up.”

Luke ran a hand through his hair, “What room is she in?”

“Luke-”

He spun around, screaming, “ _What room?!_ ”

Alex and Reggie flinched as a glass window shattered, the former looking at him with a somber expression while the bassist’s lip trembled as he failed to keep his tears at bay, “Luke, I need you to calm down-”

“ _You_...telling me to be calm.” He scoffed, “That’s rich...”

Alex clenched his jaw, “Luke..."

“How can you ask me that, Alex, with...everything that’s happened.” He strode forward, anger burning hotter with every step he took, “How the hell can you expect me to be calm after everything Caleb’s done to us! After what he did to Julie!” His hands clenched into fists at his sides, “She stopped breathing, Alex! She _died_!”

“You think I don’t know that!” Alex’s voice cracked, blue eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot (a sure sign that he’d been crying). He ran a hand through his already-mussed hair, and took a deep breath, trying to stave off his own panic, “You aren’t the only one who loves Julie, Luke! We love her too. You’re not the only one that’s hurting!”

Reggie stepped between the two of them, “Enough!”

The sound of their bandmate’s yell brought them up short.

“You both need to calm down.” Reggie’s voice was back to its normal volume, “If we can’t do that, we can’t go to see Julie.” He motioned to the broken window above them, “All it takes is for one of us to get mad and break one of the machines that are helping her and...”

The thought sobered Luke and he winced, running a hand over his face. “Sorry, guys.”

Both shook their heads.

Alex clapped Luke on the shoulder, “As I said, we get it.”

Reggie reached out to take Luke’s hand and squeezed.

Luke soaked in the physical contact, drawing on their strength as he took one deep breath, then another. He stared at the tall, looming hospital for a moment, trying to steel himself for whatever sight awaited them all in there. He looked over at Alex, “Where is she?”

“She’s in the ICU. Room 217.”

“Okay.” He squeezed Reggie’s hand again, “Then let’s go.”

…

He’d thought seeing Julie on the ground would be the worst thing, but…

Luke couldn’t get over just how…small she looked.

Julie, while shorter in stature, had a presence that never failed to fill every room she walked into. She was always so bright and joyful and so full of life that the sight of machines keeping her alive…helping her to _breathe_ , almost didn’t make sense in his mind…like it wasn’t real; a scene plucked straight from a nightmare that would’ve woken him up screaming if he’d still been alive.

She was still and silent, practically lifeless. Her normally voluminous dark curls laid limply on the pillow and the fluorescent lighting of the hospital cast her warm brown skin in a now pale, sickly grey. Her face was gaunt, her eyes and cheeks sunken in like everything had been sucked out of her, which considering what had happened...

He approached her bedside slowly and reached out a hand to place over hers-

-only for it to pass right through.

“No…” he choked out, “Why can’t I…?”

“She’s too weak,” Willie spoke from the doorway.

Alex turned to his boyfriend, “What?”

Willie swallowed as he stared at Julie, “Fighting Caleb took everything she had.”

“Can’t we can give her strength by playing like we did before?” Luke spun around to face Willie, desperation clawing at his insides as the steady beeping and mechanical hissing of the ventilator that breathed for Julie grew louder and louder and God, the sound was going to drive him fucking insane…

He shook his head.

“No! There has to something-”

“There isn’t and I’m _sorry_.” Willie’s voice cracked on the last word, dark eyes filling with tears when he looked over at Julie. He didn’t react to Alex taking his hand at first, staring at her with such _guilt_ , “What you did for her…it was the only thing that helped her beat Caleb in the first place, but now…” his knuckles went white as he squeezed the drummer’s hand, “The connection you have with Julie is powerful, but even that has its limits.”

“What are you saying, Willie?”

“I’m saying that…” he took a deep breath, relaxing his grip on Alex’s hand as he finally turned to look at Luke, “This is a fight that Julie has to do on her own. The only thing you all can do now is stay here, talk to her, let her know that you’ll be here when she wakes up.”

All four turned when the door opened, moving out of the way as an older nurse that reminded Luke of his mother came in and pulled the medical charts out from the hanger at the end of the bed. She flipped through the pages and checked each of the machines before scribbling down something on the charts before putting the clipboard back.

She didn’t leave immediately, though, and instead, lifted each of Julie’s arms gently to flatten out the creases and folds in the sheets before setting them back down with just as much care. The woman then reached out to brush a curl away from Julie’s face, her smile both hopeful and sad at the same time, “I know you wanted to see your Dad, but Doctor Lewis thought it best to give you some time before you have any visitors.”

There was no response other than the hum of the machines.

“I’ll be back in a bit to check on you again, alright?”

Luke sank into the chair that had been pulled up to the side, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees as he watched Julie. His vision blurred as tears silently trailed down his cheeks and he was dimly aware of the other three murmuring in the background, the only sounds he could hear were that of the ventilator: the constant steady beeping that told him her heart was still beating, the hissing of the machine pushing oxygen in her lungs…

And it grated on his nerves, remembering what it had felt like after the Orpheum the first time he’d held her. The first time her arms had wrapped around him. The first time he’d felt the thump of her heartbeat against his chest and the warmth of her breath on his neck...

But this machine, it was too artificial. Too mechanical. Too void of life.

The irony that it was keeping Julie alive was not lost on him.

A hand settled on his back, “Luke?”

He forced his eyes away, looking up at Alex. “Hmm?”

“We’re going to go check on the others, did you want to…?”

“No.” He shook his head, “I’m gonna stay with Julie.”

“Okay,” Alex squeezed his shoulder, “We’ll be back.”

Luke nodded and the poofs sounded.

They were gone and he was alone, with only his own thoughts to occupy him and he had never done well with his own thoughts, especially now that he was dead and had all the time in the world to go over every little thing that he’d done that put Julie in that bed because everything that had happened to her was his fault. Because of his hot-headedness and one-track mind, he hadn’t seen anything past Bobby’s betrayal. He’d been too focused on that to really pay attention to how Caleb’s too bright smile hid something predatory as he’d ~~stamped~~ _branded_ their wrists as though they were his fucking _property_ …

His throat tightened and his voice cracked, “I’m sorry, Julie. I’m so sorry…”

Luke clutched at the pendant around his neck so tightly his knuckles went white in a failed attempt to draw on the comfort it had offered whenever he’d missed home before but now thoughts of _home_ conjured more than just his parent’s faces, more than the smell of Dad’s aftershave or the lines that crinkled at the corners of Mom’s eyes when she smiled.

It was the sight of Reggie and Carlos sitting together on the couch, the little boy grinning widely; the sound of Julie and Ray singing in Spanish as they spun around the living room, her clear soprano melding perfectly with his raspy baritone; the curls that fell into Julie’s eyes as she bent her head over Alex’s hands in concentration as she carefully painted a rainbow onto his nails; Flynn’s fond smile when she watched them perform, always the first to applaud them when a song ended; the radiant light of Julie’s smile whenever she caught his eye in rehearsal and the laughter that would always follow when he winked back…

It was Reggie and Alex and Ray and Carlos and Victoria and Flynn and Julie…

Always Julie.

She’d become his home, his heart, his everything…

And now…

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

“Luke?”

He forced his eyes from Julie and focused on Alex, his voice hoarse, “How are they?”

Alex looked over at Julie, “Scared. Worried.”

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

“What about you?”

He huffed, his words coming out sharper than intended “What about me?”

Alex was silent for a moment, “This isn’t your fault, Luke. You do know that right?”

He sat cross-legged in the chair and said nothing.

“She wouldn’t blame you either.”

Luke frowned as he twisted the chain as tight as it could go before releasing it, watching the pendant spin around and around, forgetting about how well Alex knew him and not really sure how he was supposed to feel about it. Mad that the thoughts he’d kept private had been pulled from his mind? Or glad that he himself didn’t have to voice them aloud? “Just leave me alone.”

Alex took a step forward. “Luke…”

“Go back to your _boyfriend_ , Alex.”

His friend went still at the harsh emphasis on the last word and the Luke of a day ago would’ve immediately felt bad for bringing up the fact that Alex could actually talk to his person as well as the digging up of their own history in the worst possible way ( _we aren’t together anymore, so stop acting like it_ ) but at that moment…

Alex took a shaky breath, “Okay.”

Then he was gone.

Luke released the necklace and dropped his head, eyes burning with tears, and jaw clenched tightly. He curled his fingers in his hair and tugged harshly in an effort to hold back a frustrated scream because _of course,_ he lashed out.

They had trusted him with every insecurity, every worry, every fear…everything that had ever left a scar on their skin or their mind or their heart, and what had he done with that trust? He’d used them as weapons…to make them hurt like he hurt because, like a child, he’d refused to see anything past his own pain.

He pushed himself out of the chair so roughly it made a horrible screeching sound, but Luke was far from caring as he began to pace back and forth across the hospital room, trying to calm down before he broke one of the machines helping Julie breathe. He would never forgive himself if something happened because of him…

But just the thought of hurting her made the storm of emotions buzzing underneath his skin worsen, the panic and grief and the anger straining to be let out in ways that, as of late, would most definitely be the opposite of helpful. His hands curled and uncurled, fingers itching to play something, anything-

Like that day on the beach, his acoustic guitar appeared in his hands and for just a moment, he hesitated in playing, looking over at Julie. His eyes followed the lines of her profile, peaceful despite the tube taped to the corner of her mouth, and he let go of his guitar long enough to let his knuckles graze the soft curve of her cheek.

He withdrew his hand when it went through her and ran it over his face, attempting to clear his throat but only succeeding in choking out a rueful, watery laugh. “I know Alex is right...that you wouldn’t blame me for any of this. But I can’t stop myself from thinking that if I’d pulled my head out of my ass sooner, we never would’ve gotten onto Caleb’s radar in the first place.”

_Click. Beep._ _Hiss._

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

Luke let out a long, shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the sound of that damn ventilator long enough to adjust his guitar strap on his shoulder and begin to play, the melody something he’d wanted to show Julie right before everything had gone to hell, something that was so unlike anything else he’d written.

The noise in his head grew quieter as his fingers moved over the strings, the notes filling the empty, sterile hospital room with light and hope and _love_ because _God_ , he loved her so much it hurt. He loved her in a way that he’d never been able to put into words so maybe, just maybe, he could put it into a song.

His music had always spoken better than he himself would ever able to.

So lost in the song, Luke didn’t realize that the door had opened until the older nurse from before came into the room and walked right through him to check one of the machines and he stopped playing abruptly and shuddered, the sight of himself becoming solid again still too weird to think about, but…

He’d sensed it that night in the kitchen when Julie had done the same. He’d felt how good and pure and light her heart was just as he could feel the grief that lingered underneath it all and now with the nurse, he sensed that same goodness in her too. That same drive to be kind and care for others and while he’d expected to faint tinges of sadness, there was also a glimmer of hope there too. Hope for her patients. Hope for _Julie_.

She looked around, frowning in confusion. “I could’ve sworn…”

Luke nearly held his breath when her eyes passed over him.

She shook her head, returning the chart to its hook on the end of the bed.

Luke waited until the door shut behind her and her footsteps grew further and further away before he started playing again, pausing to make adjustments, and wished he’d brought his songbook so he could make note of them.

A lull in the music was filled by the ventilator.

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

“You know, I was gonna show you this when you got home…” He rubbed the back of his neck, still hesitant to voice his feelings even now. His eyes burned when he looked over at Julie, wishing she could give him that same reassuring smile she’d had when he’d talked to her at school, brown eyes sparkling with warmth as he stumbled over his words. “I’ve never really been good at talking about my feelings, but…”

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

He took another shaky breath, “I wish I’d said something sooner, but… I didn’t think it would be fair to you. You are the most _amazing_ girl that I’ve ever met. Strong and kind and funny and insanely talented and so beautiful and God, I love you…” Luke ran a hand through his hair, “I love you so much, but I will never _ever_ be able to love you the way you should be loved.”

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

“You deserve an epic love story, Julie, not…whatever the hell this is.” Just the thought of her moving on with someone else _hurt_ but not like it would knowing how much it would break her to open her heart to another person that would inevitably leave her. “We both know that anything we start will end in heartbreak, and hell, we’ve been told that directly, but you know how good I am at being told what to do and well…” he surprised himself by letting out an actual laugh, “…you did say I’m a horrible influence.”

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

_Click. Beep. Hiss._

Luke looked up when the door opened and he gripped his guitar with white knuckles when Ray entered, the man’s face haggard and his blue eyes stared at his daughter and it was like the first time he’d gone back home to see his parents: Dad holding Mom tight while she clutched the photo of Luke.

_“His birthday’s coming up_ _, Mitch.”_

_He_ _kissed her temple, “I know.”_

_She let out a long breath, tracing the lines of the chubby, smiling face of a two-year-old Luke. Her eyes were bloodshot and glassy but the tears didn’t fall, almost as though there weren’t any left after all these years, and God, if that didn’t hurt._ _“He would be forty-two this year.”_

_He couldn’t remember a time where she’d_ _looked so fragile like even saying his name would cause her to shatter and Luke reached out a hand, his fingers going straight through her. He choked back a sob, his tears flowing freely, “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry.”_

“I’m sorry, mí amor.”

Luke came back to the present when Ray spoke.

He was sitting in the chair that Luke had occupied, his hand clasped in Julie’s as he cleared his throat, “I promised you I would protect them, that I would keep them safe after you were gone but I failed. I failed and now our _niña_ is here in this place, in this bed…”

Luke winced when the man’s voice cracked.

“She’s so much like you, Rose. So passionate and strong and kind and so unafraid to be herself…” Ray reached up, and with the back of his hand, followed the curve of her cheek and, for a long moment, he said nothing, just taking in his daughter’s sleeping face.

Luke finally poofed away as Ray bowed his head, making his way back to the waiting room.

Carlos was curled up asleep on Victoria’s lap while she sang to him in Spanish, Reggie sitting cross-legged on the floor while she ran her fingers through his dark curls with Flynn pressed into the woman’s other side, Carrie’s hand clasped tightly in hers. Alex sat next to Carrie, concern furrowing his brow while Willie hovered by the nurse’s station.

But no Bobby.

Luke frowned as his gaze swept over the chairs, looking for his old bandmate, and was almost about to ask Alex when he saw the man walk through the sliding glass doors to the parking lot outside and, without knowing why, he followed Bobby. He could only watch as the calm façade the man had constructed began to crack.

Bobby had never been one to fall apart around them, even right before they’d booked the gig at the Orpheum. He was always stoic and calm, at least in comparison to the typical chaos that always revolved around Luke, Alex, and Reggie. He’d also been the oldest; eighteen years old to their seventeen and Luke wondered now if Bobby had felt responsible for them all. If he forced his own feelings down so none of them would ever have to worry about him.

But now that he thought himself alone…

Bobby’s resolve crumbled with every step, a choked sound leaving him as his breathing grew more ragged and his eyes shone in the lights of the parking lot, the tears spilling over when he rounded the corner of the hospital and braced himself against the wall, head hanging.

“Not again.” His hands curled into white-knuckled fists and Bobby’s body shook with barely leashed emotion (grief or anger, Luke wasn’t exactly sure), “Please, not again. I can’t…I can’t go through all of this again. Not now. Not _her_.”

Luke jumped when Bobby’s fist struck the wall.

“She’s sixteen.” His voice cracked as he continued to punch, “ _Sixteen_.”

“Bobby!” Luke stared with wide eyes. “Bobby, _stop!_ ”

The man stopped, not because he heard Luke but because his phone had started ringing, flexing his bloodied and bruised hand while he dug around in the pocket of his leather jacket with the other, taking a deep breath and pulling it out.

Luke couldn’t look away from the red smeared on the wall and dripping from his hand, the outburst so unlike Bobby. Because while Luke could read the emotions in his eyes, the thoughts in the man’s head were another thing entirely. Bobby’s jaw tightened when he looked at the screen and Luke didn’t get a chance to see who it was before Bobby answered, but he guessed that it wasn’t someone he wanted to talk to if his irritated sigh was anything to go by.

Bobby put it on speaker, “Yes?”

A woman’s cool voice came through, “ _Where are you?”_

“Hospital.”

_“What happened?”_

He leaned back against the wall, “Family emergency.”

_“You or Carrie?”_

“No.” He ran a hand through his hair, “We’re fine. It’s her friend-”

_“I thought you said it was a family emergency?”_

He worked his jaw, “It is.”

_“So, I’ll get the helicopter ready to leave at-”_

“No.”

_“No?”_ She sounded incredulous, _“You know how important this award show is-”_

“I said no.” Bobby’s voice hardened, “I’m not going.”

She sighed, _“Just send the girl a get-well bouquet and leave before-”_

“What part of _I’m not going_ did you not understand, Veronica?” His grip on the phone tightened. “I don’t care about how _important_ you think the awards show is or the bad publicity or the rumors or whatever bullshit story the media cooks up, alright? I’m staying.”

_“I wasn’t aware the Molinas still considered you family.”_

Luke felt his own hands clench tightly into fists at the woman’s dismissive tone, but even in his own anger, he saw the words hit Bobby like a sucker punch and another piece of the twenty-five-year-old puzzle slotted into place. Another question about that time was answered, at least in regards to his relationship with Rose and Ray.

Rose had been with Bobby when they’d died and if Julie was anything like her, the woman had probably stayed with him. Helped him through what had no doubt been the worst night of his life. Had become his friend and introduced him to Ray...

“That girl is as much a daughter to me as Carrie is.” Bobby’s voice was hard, unyielding in a way that Luke had heard on only a handful of occasions when some asshole thought they could pick on Reggie or fling slurs at Alex and ended with a busted nose or a black eye for their efforts. “I’m not leaving her and that’s final.”

He ended the call, dropping his head back against the wall and closing his eyes, sinking to the ground and resting his elbows on his knees. With another shaky breath, he buried his head in his hands and began to sob. Not cry. Sob. Full body-wracking sobs that broke Luke’s heart.

He sat down across from Bobby, his acoustic guitar appearing in his lap, and while Julie normally didn’t want them playing anywhere but the studio or performances if they could help it, he was sure she wouldn’t mind. Not for this.

So, he played the beginning chords of “Unsaid Emily”.

Bobby’s head snapped up seconds later. “What...where...?”

Luke watched the emotions play across his face, already seeing something flashing in those bloodshot brown eyes before he even started singing. _“First things first, we start the scene in reverse. All of the line rehearsed, disappeared from my mind...”_

His eyes widened, “Luke?”

“Yeah, Bobby it’s me.” He spoke the words as loudly as he could without yelling, knowing that his voice could be heard as a whisper amidst the notes. He kept playing as the tears spilled down his face, “It’s Luke.”

“I’m sorry.” He choked out, “ _I’m sorry_.”

Luke didn’t bother asking for clarification as to what he was apologizing for or _why_ even though it ate at him. It wouldn’t help either of them right now to bring that up considering all that had been dragged to the surface in the last twenty-four hours. “I know.”

“I never meant for it to…” He stared at the wall just left of Luke, eyes wide and pleading for the forgiveness of someone who’d been in the ground for twenty-five years. “I…I was a fucking mess after you…” he swallowed, “I just wanted everyone to hear your songs...just like you wanted, but they...” Bobby shook his head, “They said that...that since you were dead and I wasn’t that you...you would want me to have them and I knew it was wrong. I knew it wasn’t right, but I...” he flexed his bleeding hand, “I missed you all so fucking much and I wanted to...I wanted to hang onto any piece of you guys that I could. I never meant...”

The Luke of weeks ago would’ve been livid, pissed that he was stupid enough to believe anything those guys said. That he should’ve known his friends better than that, but now he was reminded of Caleb’s too-bright smile and sugar-sweet promises, and his jaw clenched at the thought of those people taking advantage of a kid whose friends had just died. “I know.”

Luke stopped playing and focused all his energy on his hands.

“Luke?” Bobby looked around frantically, “Luke, don’t go. _Please_ …”

The warmth pooled into his palm and spread through his fingers, Luke recognizing the feeling from every time Julie touched him. He flexed his hand once before reaching out and squeezing Bobby’s knee, smiling when his eyes went wide. “It’s okay, Bobby. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> Not to worry, the second chapter is in the works and I will post it as it is finished!


End file.
